The Soldier's Forever Family Page 16

  “I’ve always admired people who learn that lesson early and then follow the beat of their own personal drummers.”

  Okay, so Walt was on the other side legally. And he seemed to have issues with her age—or was it her boldness that unsettled him? Didn’t stop her from melting in response to the open admiration on his face. A few other sun-lovers lounged, strolled, chatted and played on the beach around them while waves crashed and seagulls shrieked, but as far as she was concerned, nothing around them was as interesting as the battle-scarred man sharing her towel, incongruously dressed in business casual.

  She eyed him through her lashes. “What about you, Sarge? Whose drums do you follow?”

  He gave her a grin that was unexpectedly roguish—not to mention devastatingly attractive. “The drums that usually lead me into the most trouble.”

  Oh, wow. If he’d decided to seduce her, he was doing a damned good job.

  Studying him, she asked, “Mind if I ask why Mrs. Sergeant Becker decided she’d rather be Mrs. Plastic Surgeon?”

  His grin dimmed, and she could tell she’d hit a nerve. Still, he managed to keep his tone droll when he replied, “She said she didn’t care for the man who came back from the war.”

  Instantly indignant on his behalf, Maddie demanded, “She left you because you lost your arm?”

  “She claimed I lost a lot more than an arm.” He shrugged. “Maybe she was right. Whatever. She preferred the doctor she’d met while I was out of the country. They got married before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. Got a litter of babies now.”

  Judging by the tone and expression with which he spoke, Walt had accepted the situation. Maddie suspected his feelings were a bit more complex. She wanted to know a lot more about him—but first she supposed they should settle Joanna and Adam’s issues.

  She wasn’t sure how Joanna would feel about her seeing Adam’s friend. His attorney. But Joanna would be moving to Seattle soon and Maddie would continue, as she always had, to make her own choices. Those choices might well include a few long weekends at the Carolina coast.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “THIS WAS THE best day ever, Mom!” Simon proclaimed as they entered the suite that afternoon. “I had so much fun. I can’t wait to tell Aunt Maddie and Mr. Adam about it. We can show them all the pictures we took, can’t we? I bet Mr. Adam has seen the dolphins in the ocean lots of times, but I don’t know if Aunt Maddie has. I bet she’ll like our pictures.”

  “I’m sure she will.” Joanna was tired and a little sunburned, but she’d had a wonderful day with her son. The well-organized outing had begun with an island shell hunt, during which Simon had pounced on the starfish he’d hoped to find all week, followed by a traditional Carolina crab boil lunch with the other families, and concluding with a two-hour dolphin cruise. The dolphins had been playfully cooperative today, putting on quite a show for the delighted spectators.

  “I’m hungry,” Simon declared, rubbing his tummy. “Where are we going to eat tonight? Can we have fried shrimp baskets again?”

  Joanna almost groaned. She was still so stuffed from their huge lunch of crab, sausage, potatoes, corn on the cob, and peach cobbler that she would have been perfectly happy to skip dinner altogether.

  “I think we’ll find something a little healthier than fried shrimp and french fries tonight,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe the grilled chicken kabobs you saw the other day. You said they looked good, remember?”

  “Okay. But can we have fried shrimp baskets one more time before we go home?”

  “Yes. One more time. Now you need to go shower and change for dinner. I’ll call Aunt Maddie and tell her we’re back.”

  “Okay. Can you call Mr. Adam, too? Maybe he can have dinner with us. I want to show him my starfish.”

  Thinking of the way she and Adam had parted last night, Joanna wasn’t sure Adam would accept. Would he want to spend another evening with Simon even though he wasn’t going to have a relationship with the boy in the future? Or would he want the chance to spend every minute he could with Simon before they left the resort Sunday morning?

  “I’ll ask him,” she said cautiously. “But he could already have other plans, so don’t be too upset if he can’t join us.”

  “That’s okay. I can tell him tomorrow. But I hope he can come tonight.”

  Joanna was just going to call Maddie when someone rapped on the door. Though it was probably her sister, she couldn’t stop her nerves from tingling a little, just in case it was...someone else.

  She told herself she wasn’t disappointed when she found Maddie standing there, looking oddly solemn. Apparently Maddie had also been out in the sun that day. Her face and arms were kissed with new color, and her long legs looked golden beneath the short hem of her sleeveless white mini.

  “Hi, Jo. Where’s Simon?”

  “He’s taking a shower and getting ready for dinner.” Joanna closed the door behind her sister, wondering why Maddie looked and sounded so serious. “I was just going to call to ask you to join us.”

  “I’d like that. But first—there’s something I should tell you.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “Walt Becker tracked me down earlier to tell me that Adam took a day off work today, but he left a request for us to figure out a fair child support agreement and submit it to Walt. Adam will sign it, but he doesn’t want any more meetings and he doesn’t want to be any more involved than that. He just wants to take care of it through his lawyer.”

  She kept her gaze on Joanna’s face as she spoke. “He left his cell number, said to call if we have any questions, but he made it clear he doesn’t want to be bothered unless it’s an emergency. He said he needed a few hours to clear his head, and he’ll see everyone later.”

  Joanna didn’t know what she was feeling or thinking. Maybe Adam hadn’t technically taken off without a goodbye this time, assuming she could believe he’d come back later, but it was clear enough that he’d made his decision. He was choosing not to be part of Simon’s life, opting instead to be an anonymous financial donor. The easy way out.

  She supposed she should have been angry with him. And maybe she was, beneath the numbness. Of course she was. For Simon’s sake—and for her own. Was Adam merely declining fatherhood—or was he rejecting any future with her, as well? Not that they’d even acknowledged the possibility, but still, maybe something real could have developed, had he been willing to let down his defenses. Had she been able to trust that he wouldn’t walk out again.

  Sure, he’d had a rough childhood. But lots of people had, and plenty chose to deal with the past and move on. It irked her that he wouldn’t even try. But mostly...mostly she was just sad. Sad for Simon’s sake, though she would continue to dedicate herself to making sure her little boy had a wonderful life, even if he never knew his father. And somewhat grudgingly sad for Adam, despite her frustration.

  Maybe her training as a counselor was making her read too much into their interactions, but she sensed a dissatisfaction in him that he probably couldn’t have verbalized if he tried. He was missing out on so much, too stubborn or afraid or set in his ways to commit himself to anyone. Whatever painful lessons he’d learned from his absentee father or his time at war or any other difficult experiences he’d survived, she hated to think of him always drifting, always alone, never allowing himself to appreciate what was right in front of him.

  She’d known a few people who were content living nomadic lives, without roots or ties. Perhaps Adam’s father had been that way. But she wanted to believe Adam secretly longed for more, even if he didn’t realize it himself. Maybe he just hadn’t yet found the person or the place he could love enough to want to stay. Or maybe she was only fantasizing that he could be the man she wanted, rather than who he really was.

  Her sister’s voice brought her out of he
r reverie. “Jo? Are you okay?”

  Hearing Simon moving around in his bedroom, Joanna forced a smile. “I’m fine, Maddie. I wasn’t really expecting anything else from him.”

  “Really? Nothing?” Maddie asked skeptically, proving she was aware that Joanna’s feelings for Adam had become complicated during this week.

  Joanna replied evenly, “I would never force him to be a part of our lives. I won’t ask for anything he doesn’t want to give. I won’t be calling him in the future unless there’s an extreme emergency. Adam knows how to reach me if he changes his mind.”

  “What about Mr. Adam?” Simon asked, appearing in the doorway just in time to hear the last part. His hair was still wet, hastily combed too flat. He’d dressed in the T-shirt and shorts she’d laid out for him, and he carried his shoes in his hand. He looked so young and innocent—and so very much like Adam.

  Joanna swallowed hard before saying, “Mr. Adam is busy tonight, Simon. But Aunt Maddie wants to hear all about our day, don’t you, Maddie?”

  “I don’t want you to forget one detail,” Maddie replied a little too cheerily.

  “Do you want to see my starfish?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Watching the exchange, Joanna swallowed as she acknowledged how much Simon had bonded with Adam in such a short time. It must be a genetic susceptibility, though Maddie didn’t seem to share their weakness. But Simon was very young and eager for new experiences. After all, he didn’t even know the real connection between himself and Adam. He’d get over his disappointment and move on with his life, at least for a few years until he started asking more questions about his father. Questions Joanna would need to answer honestly and compassionately.

  As for herself—well, she was resigned to carrying an Adam-size hole in her heart. A wistful longing for what might have been between them. At least she had their son to love and to love her in return. Adam was alone—and stubbornly convinced he liked it that way.

  * * *

  “HOW THE HELL did you find me, Walt?”

  Walt chuckled as he slid onto a bar stool next to Adam. They were about an hour’s drive away from the resort. “Trevor. He said he has his magical ways of keeping tabs on you.”

  Adam snorted. “His ‘magical ways’ involve asking me where I am and me telling him.”

  “Hmm. I like his version better. More interesting.” Walt ordered a tap beer from the bartender and nodded toward the drink Adam had been nursing. Adam had lost track of exactly how long he’d sat there. “Drowning your sorrows?”

  “Just thirsty,” he muttered, taking an unenthusiastic sip from his glass.

  When he’d told Trevor he was taking the day off, he’d added that he’d have a decision about the offered promotion by the middle of next week. In response, Trevor had asked if he was okay. He’d said he understood that Adam was dealing with a lot and he didn’t blame him for needing a few hours to think.

  And somehow during that brief conversation, Trevor had pulled out exactly where Adam was going to do that thinking. And had then shared that information with their mutual friend.

  “Did Trevor send you?”

  Walt shook his head. “No. That was my decision.”

  “Why?”

  “I needed to see my client. In person.”

  “Nothing’s wrong, is it?”

  “Other than you being an idiot, you mean?” Walt took a drink of his beer, leaving the question hanging.

  Adam scowled. “Don’t rag on me, okay? You wouldn’t understand.”

  Rather than taking offense, Walt nodded agreeably. “Yeah, I’d never understand what it’s like to come back from war scarred both physically and emotionally, too messed up to keep a relationship together, too jumpy to attend a Fourth of July fireworks display.”

  Grimacing, Adam shook his head. “Damn it, Walt. That’s not what I meant.”

  “Maybe I understand better than you think. Just saying.”

  They drank in silence for a while before Adam asked, “Did you talk to them?”

  Walt didn’t need clarification. “I talked with Maddie. She believes Joanna would prefer that you set up a fund for Simon on your own and contribute to it as you choose. Joanna wants nothing to do with the financial arrangements.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me. She’s too proud.” And stubborn and independent and smart and caring—in addition to so many other admirable qualities that she could almost qualify for sainthood, he thought glumly. Something no one had ever said about him.

  His friend nodded. “That’s what I said. Maddie agreed.”

  Adam glanced sideways at his companion. “You still have a thing for her?”

  Walt gazed into his glass. “She’s definitely something. But like I said before, hardly in my league.”

  Remembering his early impressions of spunky, smart-mouthed, slick and chic Maddie Zielinski, Adam didn’t try to argue. He couldn’t say that Walt and Maddie were any better a match than he and Maddie’s competently professional yet still happily domestic sister. The sister he’d overheard saying she would like more children, who seemed to have no issues with commitments or parenthood or tangled family ties. “Maddie’s probably too young for you, anyway.”

  “She doesn’t seem to think so. At least, not if I’m reading her signals correctly—and I’m pretty sure I am. She’s not exactly subtle.”

  “Oh.” A little taken aback, Adam muttered, “I guess I thought she wouldn’t want to be involved with someone who represents the, uh, opposition.”

  “The opposition? I thought you were the one who insisted there’s no conflict. Nobody’s trying to make you pay up or sign anything or stay anywhere you don’t want to be.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Just letting you know you have a friend. I fought my demons a long time ago, Adam. Wouldn’t say I won, exactly, but I’ve got the bastards beaten into submission most of the time. Thing is, I didn’t do it alone. You don’t have to, either.”

  Again, silence seemed to be the only response Adam could muster. He’d been alone for so long, he didn’t know how to react when told he didn’t have to be. His demons had become part of him a long time ago, and he wasn’t sure beating them into submission was even an option at this point. Still, he appreciated the gesture. He hid his discomfort with another gulp of his drink.

  Walt lifted his glass, gazing into it thoughtfully. “My old man liked his beer. He wasn’t a mean drunk. Just the opposite, actually. The drunker he got, the cheerier he became. He was cheery a lot.”

  He took a sip and set the glass on the bar. “My father wasn’t perfect. My mom had her hands full trying to raise me and my sister and still work two jobs to keep food on the table. Pop had trouble keeping jobs. But he was my dad and I loved him. We all did.”

  Adam pushed a weary hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, I didn’t see my father enough to know what I felt about him. He was just some aging hippie who drifted through town to say hello and bum a few bucks to hold him over until his next visit.”

  “Not cool,” Walt said. “So, you’re going to miss out on your son’s life because your old man was a lousy father? How does that make sense?”

  The barb hit home with an accuracy that made Adam wince. “That’s not—I just don’t want to mess up the kid’s life.”

  “So don’t. Be a better father than yours was.”

  Yeah. As if it were that easy. “They’re moving across the country. Even if I knew how to be a father, how am I supposed to do it from three thousand miles away? I could follow them, but what am I supposed to do in Seattle? Even if I could find a job and an apartment I could afford, what would I have to offer a kid like Simon?”

  “You’re selling yourself short, pal. And I couldn’t help noticing you didn’t mention Joanna.”

  Adam’s insides ch
urned at the mention of her name. He fought the images that flashed through his mind. He’d spent a lot of time today wondering who unnerved him more—the innocent child or his all-too-knowing mother.

  “I’ve seen you with her, Adam. She’s not just someone you casually hooked up with. You have feelings for her. It’s possible you always have, even if you didn’t realize it until she came back into your life.”

  Adam made a point of scrubbing a drop of liquid off the bar top with one finger.

  Reading too much into that silence, Walt murmured, “So you’re scared of her, too?”

  “I’m not scared of Joanna,” Adam snapped. Lied. “I just don’t want to mess up her life, either.”

  “And you’re so sure you would.”

  His hand clenched around his glass. “Let’s just say I learn from my mistakes. Look what happened last time I got involved with her.”

  Walt’s grunt expressed a mixture of disapproval and sympathy. “You don’t have to follow them to Seattle, if that’s not what you want. You’ve got a good opportunity here in South Carolina. You’re damned good at your job, and Trevor’s ready to reward you for that. All you have to do is say yes.”

  All he had to do. That made it all sound so damned easy.

  Setting down the still half-full glass of beer, Walt pulled money out of his pocket and dropped it on the bar. “Your drink’s on me. And now I have to go. Watching you brood has made me think there’s someone I might want to get to know better.”

  “Maddie?”

  Walt nodded with a crooked grin. “It might all end in flames, but I won’t know unless I try.”